Have you experienced Resentment?

Annie Dietz • September 23, 2024

Resentment is a curious thing, when you dig into it. For me, it was when I was able to get past the point of blaming the sources of my resentments, regardless of how sticky-icky the situation felt, that I was able to release any burden of negativity that I was carrying.


When I reflect upon past resentments, I realize that I am the most triggered when there is a misalignment of values. It really fires me up when someone doesn't recognize or, even worse, chooses maliciously to not respect a value that is important to me.


Staying in an angry and ultimately resentful place can become our default. Even more so when it is a situation in which you know the person is purposely pushing your buttons. The addictive resentful behavior is fueled further if you play in the game perpetuating the blame cycle.


Let's be real, how does that make you feel? Not great.


I recently shared this concept with a friend. Honestly, I might have been a bit smug, thinking I was offering some profound wisdom about how I’ve overcome my resentment issues. But then, they responded with this:



"Resentment is like taking poison and

waiting for the other person to die"



Um.... how have I made it to 50 and not heard this quote? Versions of this statement have be attributed to Nelson Mandela, Malachy McCourt, even the Buddha. My goodness, have I wasted time and energy 'poisoning' myself.


Here's what I think; it's all about our perception. Although we likely see resentment as triggered by something outside of ourselves, we get to choose how we perceive the situation. I further believe there are times when we unintentionally create situations that lead us to feel resentment.


When my perception is different from someone else's, I have a choice. If it is worth it to me, I can communicate with the person the way in which I disagree with their perspective, a.k.a. exercise a boundary. Doing this can help dissolve any potential resentment.


We are responsible for our reaction to situations and that includes situations that we subconsciously create. That means being willing to recognize if my frustration comes from an unspoken expectation, something the other person couldn't possibly have known. Once I realize this, I can decide to communicate my perspective more clearly.


For me, breaking the habit of holding onto resentment starts with noticing when that irritation begins to build. Holding onto those feelings only hurts me. That was the “ah-ha” moment that led me to take responsibility for my part in the situation.


I am practicing better communication, instilling more boundaries, and when necessary, choosing to ignore someones attempts to bring up any feeling of resentment within me.


It’s my choice and I’m ready to set that poison down.

Embracing Abundance: Unexpected Lessons from a Tomato Plant

By Annie Dietz • December 8, 2024
Sometimes, life has a funny way of showing us what we need most. This summer, I had an interesting experience that shifted my perspective on abundance or should I say, profoundly impacted my view of lack. It all started with a small patch outside of my studio where I planted zinnea seeds for a second year. They had been so impressive the first year and I was excited to watch them thrive again over the summer. Despite my best efforts, nothing took root. I felt a bit defeated staring at the bare soiI. I really let it bum me out. It wasn’t a very impressive view for my clients to look out onto during our sessions. I knew that my reaction to the seeds not taking wasn’t rational, yet I couldn’t shake it. I realized that I was taking on the failed flowers as a metaphor for my state of mind at that time, I was relating my inability to grow the flowers to a feeling anxiety that had been growing in my mind because I had gotten hyper focused on a feeling lack. Then something unexpected happened. A volunteer cherry tomato plant sprouted in the very same spot where my flower seeds had failed. Some little bird, or squirrel ‘deposited’ a seed right where I couldn’t get the flowers to bloom. My mom swears it was from the compost that she gave me from her yard, I like the idea of an animal leaving it. However it got there, it was growing stronger by the day. As the weeks went by, that little plant flourished beyond what anyone could imagine. It grew to over eight feet wide and six feet tall, yielding hundreds of little tomatoes. It seemed like every day, there were more bright red tomatoes waiting to be picked. I made meal after meal with the fruit. One harvest inspired me to make the best balsamic, mozzarella tomato side dish for a dinner party of 12 and we even had leftovers! Anytime a friend stopped by I begged them to take some it was impossible to keep up with the production before they burst and spoiled. As my girlfriend Lisa was busy picking away at the gargantuan bush, all the sudden hit me, why in the world was I allowing myself to feel stuck in lack? Sure, this plant wasn’t printing money to pay my electric bill, but I didn’t buy one tomato all summer and I shared the abundance with friends. Life was showing me how abundance can show up in the most unexpected, yet beautiful ways. When I was able to slow down and appreciate this gift, I recognized the value of letting go of control. Abundance often shows up where we least expect it. When we hold on too tight to what we think should be, we can miss a gift that is right in front of us. Shifting my mindset to one of gratitude for what did show up gave me permission to nurture and share the abundance with those around me.

The Stress Reset

By Annie Dietz • November 25, 2024
How do you reset from stress? I was lucky enough to travel to Spain for a coaching conference at the end of October. What an amazing experience I had, both the travel and the conference itself. Unfortunately, I came home with covid which totally threw off my plans of hitting the ground running. With no choice but to give in to my malaise, I rescheduled all of my appointments and began the cycle of sleeping for 15 hour stretches over the next 10 days. We make plans and God laughs That was the thought that popped into my mind as I reluctantly buried my head in my pillows. The original Yiddish expression is ‘Man Plans, God Laughs.’ When the little voice in my head said those words, all I could do was laugh to myself, “Alright”, I said to the empty room, “I get it Universe, you win!” I had such great momentum in my coaching business and a well laid out plan to keep it going when I was back in the States. Having to pivot for covid could have derailed me for the remainder of 2024. Luckily, through my personal journey and coach training I have become well practiced in stress management. I didn’t always have my stress under control. There was a time in the not too recent past that lived in a constant state of survival. My big Ah-Ha was realizing that I was the primary creator of my own stress . By staying busy and frazzled, I was unconsciously avoiding deeper feelings and truths that I wasn’t prepared to face. As Thanksgiving arrives a week later than normal this year, making Christmas less than a month away, it seems a good time to talk about stress. Whether our stress stems from being so excited to host and wanting to have everything just right for the big meal, or we are dreading a family gathering and what Uncle Bob is going to say to embarrass everyone, this is the perfect time for a reminder to slow down and take a moment for yourself. Oh yeah right Annie, how is there time for that, you ask? Not only is there time, it is crucial to take it so that we don’t burn ourselves out. Even if it is just a 20 minute break, going for a walk, doing one less thing on your to do list, it is so important. Filling your bucket first makes us all much more able to give to others from compassion versus from resentment. If it all feels like too much, consider this, when you feel yourself becoming stressed, don’t fast forward past it. Take a moment to consciously look at it. Sit with it and ask yourself, where does this stem from? Are you feeding into your stress? What do you have control over? Now, I am not saying that this week is the week to unpack those deeper feelings, just become aware of them. Since many of us will be with family, there will be opportunities to see old habits and patterns arise. And, just as we created those patterns and habits that aren't serving us any longer, we can replace them with new healthier thoughts and behaviors. That is what I love about coaching. There is science behind changing our behavior for the better so that we can live a calmer and more balanced life. Interested in learning more? Book a Clarity Call with me , I’d love to hear about your holidays and what you’ve discovered about yourself. Who knows, maybe you’ll uncover a pattern that you are ready to break.

Q4 2024 - Let's GO!!!

By Annie Dietz • October 3, 2024
I have no earthly idea what happened, I swear that September 1st was just last week. Here we are already at the start of the 4th quarter of 2024. I doesn’t feel that long ago that I was writing my January article challenging you on your New Year’s Resolutions. Ah, resolutions, something many of us set towards the end of December or as the clock strikes twelve on New Year’s Eve in an attempt to redeem ourselves from six weeks of over indulging with friends and loved ones. I find that resolutions fall off of our todo list more often than they become healthy habits that we weave into our lives. I much prefer to intentions to resolutions. To me, intentions are goals that we strive to keep because they are a more fluid idea that helps us focus on the present moment and guide our actions toward a more fulfilling life. Intentions are easier to adjust along the way. By definition, resolutions are more of an all or nothing, pass/fail situation that can leave you feeling unaccomplished if not completed just so. Such as committing to going to the gym six days a week or doing Whole30 for the month of January. We start strong, committing for the first few weeks, then losing steam before a true habit is formed and our behavior is changed. October is the time of year that I always start thinking ahead and planning what the next year will look like for my personal and professional goals. This past August, I shared with you my manifestation journey and I have to say, everything that I desired to manifest has happened or is in motion! I’m super excited, so where next? Here’s what I want to share with you as you begin thinking about your goals for next year. Whether you are planning for your personal growth or professional development: How do you want to feel? Thats right, as you begin to dream big and explore your intentions for 2025, how do you want to feel? What are your wishes and desires? What fuels you? What will achieving this thing make you feel? I found a workbook I had picked up a few years ago from the author, Danielle LaPorte, called The Desire Map, in it she explains that, “ Desire drives more than our animal instincts. Desire is the power of wanting. It’s an engine of creativity and purposeful force. When we desire something, we’re willing to plot and plan to get it… In all cases, desiring something forces us to get creative in order to work out how were going to get what we want. ” And all desires stem from a feeling. Let’s use a financial goal as an example, instead of plainly stating “I want to be making $xx by Q2 2025,” what if you instead committed to, “I am so excited that I have reached my financial goal of $xx and my kids and I are going on our dream vacation to the mountains in May.” When we can come from feeling we feed our soul, and our goals based in emotion better challenge our growth. What do you think? Can you set aside for a moment all of the facts from financial obligations to family responsibilities that are swimming around in your head with all of your other to do’s and genuinely focus on how you want to feel? As a special treat for those of you who are also planning for your intentions for 2025 and beyond, here is a visualization that I created for the Vision Boarding class I teach each January. It’s a chance to get lost in your future and all the feels it gives you. I hope you find it inspiring in setting your inventions for a kick ass 2025, because it is never too soon to start dreaming about your desired future. If you’re interested in chatting more about your goals for 2025, I welcome you to book a free 15-minute clarity call with me by going to my calendar here. Or by clicking the button at the bottom of this page.
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